Educating her child not easy to establish its authority
It is that the stake is of size. It is neither more nor less to make a little being who will both respect the rules of life in society and flourish .
Just as concrete is cement, the child is built with the law . She becomes an integral part of him. And note: “We can have children who have learned the rules from the outside without having integrated them internally. In adolescence, these children who were said to be so well educated transgress the law. ”
Hence the importance of appealing to your child’s understanding rather than imposing rules that make no sense to him . To obtain his adhesion rather than pour it into a mold. To teach him to obey rather than to submit.
Still, the exercise of authority is rarely a part of pleasure . Refusing his child what he wants, impose prohibitions on him, it is always a little pain. And no father / mother likes that.
“In life, everything is not possible and it’s frustrating,” says the psychoanalyst. But it’s also liberating. The child who is put on limits will stop living in the illusion that he can always have more, and thus stop feeling unhappy and unloved. Because a child who thinks he can always get more believes that if we do not give him what he wants, it’s because we do not like him. ”
Educate your child : from 2 years, tell him that we can not do everything
To be able to live in society, your child must incorporate three fundamental prohibitions:
1. You can not be the husband / wife of your father / mother. Therefore, you do not go to bed with your parents and let them kiss without anger or try to separate them. If you let go, you validate the incest fantasy of your toddler , who knows no limit then …
2. We do not hit the other . Explain it simply: “Your dad does not hit the neighbor every time he puts his TV too hard or lets his trash bag hang out in front of the door. You do not slap on your boyfriend because he pissed you off. ”
3. We do not have what the other has. We do not seize his toys, we do not spoil his clothes, etc. because it belongs to him and it would hurt him. It’s all about getting the message across : do not do to others what you do not want us to do to you .
The problem is that, to be able to represent what the other feels, it is necessary that your child has acquired a certain independence on the motor level. That he knows how to manage without the help of anyone in all the little things of everyday life: getting up, going to the bathroom, eating, etc. ” Integrate the law, it works with autonomy.You can not ask a child to do it before 2-3 years,” says Claude Halmos.